Wizard of Booze
by Jenico
Summary: When the tables are turned, and Kurt is the one passed the point of drunkenness, how does Blaine handle his incoherent boyfriend? Also, Wizard of Oz references out the wazoo.


Blaine could see that his boyfriend was far past any point of coherence and probably too drunk to even know he was drunk, which was further wasted than Blaine had ever been. Several signs led him to this conclusion, including, but not limited to 1) Kurt had barfed twice in the last hour, 2) he was reciting Wizard of Oz, word for word, and 3) he was tonguing Santana Lopez as many other members of New Directions cheered him on.

Meanwhile, Blaine sat back in disgust, not wanting to blame Kurt for doing things that he would never remember in the morning, but rather quite guilty that he'd forced him to come to the party in the first place, followed by edging him on until he took a cup of beer. It had all gone downhill from there. For Blaine at least; Kurt seemed to be having a helluva time.

"Kurt!" Rachel Berry laughed, throwing her head back with drunken giggles as Kurt pulled away from Santana, wiping his grinning mouth. "Kurt, you know what you should do? You should go kiss _Finn_."

Blaine jerked his head in their direction, finally seeing what he'd tried to avoid for so long. Kurt was cradling Santana as she downed what probably felt like her 20th drink of the night. Rachel and Brittany were on opposite sides of them in complete hysterics. Mercedes, who had tried to avoid the group, but eventually caved was almost literally rolling on the floor laughing. Apparently Kurt kissing people he was not attracted to was some sort of comedy act to them. To Blaine, it was just gross and perverted.

But when he saw Kurt's eyes widen at the thought of kissing Finn, Blaine knew their pow-wow had to be stopped. Kurt didn't exactly have a crush on Finn anymore, but he did used to, and he was a male, which alone was enough for Blaine to become worried. Plus, Finn, who was in the other room playing pool, was definitely not as wasted as Kurt, and would turn him down, causing tension Blaine wasn't ready to deal with.

"Oh my God," Santana gasped enthusiastically. "That's the _second_ good idea Berry has had tonight."

"Ten points for Gryffindor!" Rachel shouted, trying to stand, but failing in many different ways.

Blaine uncrossed his legs and stood up, making his way over to the couch where the girls and Kurt were. "Hey Kurt. You almost ready to go? It's getting late..."

Kurt, looking like a lost puppy, rubbed his hands over his face, either trying to compose himself or simply make sure he was still there.

"_Blaine!" _Rachel threw her hands up as if she was expecting a hug from the hovering boy. "You wanna make out again?"

"Um, no thanks." Blaine shook the horrific memory away and focused on the task at hand: getting Kurt home safely without anything terrifying happening. "So Kurt?"

"Hold up, Anderson," Santana helped Kurt off her lap and into a standing position. "He's not quite ready to go."

"He's gonna kiss Finn!" Brittany, topless except a bra, squealed with delight, as if seeing two boys make out was going to be pleasurable to watch.

Kurt possibly tried to say something at this point, but all that came out was a fit of drunken giggles. He latched onto Mercedes, which turned out not to be a very good source of stability the way she stumbled over her own two feet. But Kurt didn't seem to notice, pushing himself up into a standing position.

"I don't think that's a very good idea..." Blaine tried to say calmly. The last thing he wanted to do was anger Kurt or make him want to rebel even more.

"Somebody's _jealous!_" Rachel slurred.

"No, I just-"

"Look Blainey," Rachel continued, the hand that was not latched onto a red cup resting on Blaine's shoulder. "If anyone should be jealous, it's _me_. But I'm gonna let him kiss my boyf-" A hiccup, followed by roars of laughter.

"I just don't think _Kurt_ would really want to do this if he was sober."

Santana, who for some reason also seemed to really want to see Kurt get rejected, denied this. "Oh no. Kurt _wants_ to. Right Kurtsie?"

Kurt looked at a nodding Santana and must've felt obligated to agree in his stupor from the way he copied her head movement. "Yeah! I've... I'm in _love_ with Finn!"

Blaine coughed, still not really jealous because well, he couldn't be. He'd been the same way when he was drunk, and he even carried out those thoughts after he'd been sober for a day or two. Kurt was just deeply, deeply intoxicated.

"See that, booboo?" Santana shrugged. "He's in love with him."

The group began to make their way to the billiards room, Santana trying to lead the way, even though she may as well have been a blind guide-dog from the way they all stumbled and laughed over everything that got in their way.

Blaine followed behind Kurt who turned to him with a smile.

"Don't be silly, Toto. Scarecrows don't talk."

At any other time, this might've been adorable, but Kurt was in no position to be called cute. His hair was all over the place, his shirt was missing the top couple buttons, and if it weren't for the terrible smell of beer, puke and Santana Lopez on him, Blaine could've possibly found this hot. But quoting a children's movie on his way to try and make out with his stepbrother? Blaine could think of a million things infinitely sexier. Like being run over by an 18-wheeler.

"Hey boys!" Rachel exclaimed as they entered the room.

The guys had taken the billiards balls off the table and set up a game of beer pong that from the look of everyone in the room was going incredibly in Puck and Finn's favor.

"Hey Rach," Finn gave his famous half-grin. "What's up?"

"You know I love you, right?"

Finn nodded, appearing a little flushed at the fact of Rachel being so intimate out in the open. "Yeah baby. I love you too. Why? What's going on?"

Santana stepped forward, Kurt by her side. "Your boy has something he wants to get off his chest," she smirked a little maniacally, clearly knowing that Finn was nowhere near drunk enough to fall for it.

Kurt looked up at Finn, biting his lip to hold back his giggles.

"Um, yeah Kurt?"

"Can you two ladies hurry up so we can get back to kicking Mike and Artie's asses at this game?" Puck spoke up.

Blaine couldn't take it for much longer. His boyfriend was about to be humiliated if he went through with it, and that's not something he was willing to comfort him over. "I'm sorry man," he stepped forward, taking Kurt by the hand. "He's just really drunk right now."

Finn nodded, still not knowing what was going on. "It's cool, dude. I can take him home if you wanna-"

Kurt's hands, freed from Blaine's, latched themselves onto Finn's face as he pressed his lips to the taller boy's unwilling mouth. Finn pulled away before Kurt could get physical with the kiss, throwing his hands up in shock.

"What the _hell_?"

"Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!" Kurt exclaimed, once he found the ability to speak again.

"_What_?" Finn repeated, looking around at the laughing girls and gaping guys.

"Oh my God," Santana busted out, nearly crying from laughing so hard. "It actually _worked_! Rachel Berry, you are a genius."

"What in the world is going on?" Finn turned to his girlfriend, wiping tears from her eyes. "You put him up to this?"

"Maybe..." Rachel managed to say.

"Dude, I am so sorry," Blaine grabbed Kurt again. "I tried to tell him not to."

Finn, not knowing how else to react, grabbed a cup from the table next to him and tossed a splash of beer in Kurt's face, possibly assuming that this would "wake him up" or something. In reality, it actually just caused Kurt to reply with "I'm melting. _Melting!_"

Blaine then realized what he had to, which he later hit himself in the head over because with Kurt, it's always what he had to do. And that was play along. Kurt hardly ever left character once he had one set in his mind, so Blaine tried to remember a quote that would fit in this situation.

"Come along, Kurt," he tugged at his sleeve. "You don't want any of _those_ apples."

Kurt seemed surprised for a second, before continuing with the dialogue. "Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be?"

"Oh no," Blaine shook his head, slowly but surely getting Kurt to follow him out of the party in Puck's basement. "It's just, I don't think you'll like little green worms!" And he was eternally grateful that Kurt had made him watch the movie every single time it played on ABC Family.

Once they got to Blaine's car in the driveway, he buckled Kurt into the passenger seat, and then got himself into the driver's seat. While he started the engine, Kurt continued to giggle with excitement.

"_The wind began to switch - the house, to pitch_," he sang, and Blaine was thoroughly impressed with Kurt's ability to remember the lyrics and stay on key in his state of alcoholism. "Blaine?"

He didn't answer, figuring Kurt was probably just talking for fun and not really for a purpose.

"_Blaine_," he repeated, stressing out each syllable as if it were its own word.

Giving in, he turned to his boyfriend who had laid the seat back and was looking up at him with pleading eyes. "What is it, Kurt?"

"Do you love me?"

Blaine rolled his eyes, facing back at the road. "We're not playing that right now."

"_Blainey_?" Kurt whined, using the terrible nickname that Rachel had used a few minutes prior. He reached his fingers up and ran them sloppily across Blaine's forearm. "Do you _love_ me?"

Blaine huffed. He really didn't like Kurt too much at this point, but of course he loved him. He nodded, glancing back at the grinning boy. "Yes, Kurt. I love you, okay?"

"Would you love me if I was bald?"

"Yes, Kurt. I would love you if you were bald." Honestly, he didn't hate the game, but when Kurt was drunk, it was not fun at all and sort of pointless because he would never remember anything he'd said the next morning.

"Would you love me if I was a _girl_?"

Blaine furrowed his eyebrows and gave a quick confused look at Kurt before focusing back on the dark road. And even though he knew what he meant, he still had to ask.

"Like would I want to date you?"

"Like if I was _Dorothy_!" Kurt exclaimed, suddenly infatuated with Wizard of Oz again. "Would you love me if I was Dorothy? I think... Finn would love me if I was Dorothy."

At this point, Blaine couldn't help but start to feel a little jealous of Kurt's much taller and quite handsome step-brother. "I think Finn is pretty dedicated to Rachel actually."

"Well, bust my buttons!" Kurt said rather sarcastically. "Why didn't you say that in the first place? That's a horse of a different color!"

Blaine rolled his eyes, realizing Kurt was still quoting the movie.

"_Blaine..._"

"What is it, Kurt?" he responded, probably a little too harshly than he'd expected.

"I don't... feel so..."

And then the smell that consumed Blaine's senses almost made him throw up as well. Luckily, Kurt had managed to sit up and wasn't choking on his own vomit, but doing so, he'd gotten his stomach contents all over the floor of Blaine's car.

"Oh my _God_," Blaine tried to keep driving, but knowing he wouldn't make it all the way to Kurt's house with the stench.

"Sorry..." Kurt coughed looking like he desperately wanted to get out of the car as soon as possible.

And Blaine couldn't agree with him more. The first exit he could pull off of the highway, he took it. Not being as used to Lima as he'd like to have better, Blaine found the nearest gas station and parked. "Can you stay in here while I go get something to clean this mess up with?"

Kurt, holding his nose shut with one hand and wiping tears from his eyes with the other, nodded, and even though Blaine didn't believe him, he closed the car door and went inside.

After grabbing a roll of paper towels, a couple water bottles, some air freshener, and paying at the register, Blaine went back outside to find Kurt climbing out of the car, both hands on the street and one foot stuck in the door handle. If the situation were different, it would've been hilarious, but Blaine was already starting to feel a headache coming on, and Kurt was just making it worse.

"Blaine! It stinks in there!"

Blaine helped Kurt out of the car and sat him down on the sidewalk in front of the gas station, giving him a water bottle, as he began to clean up all the puke from the floor of his car, the dashboard, and then the bit that had gotten on Kurt himself.

"Blaine, would you still love me if I was drunk?" Kurt asked as his boyfriend helped him get back into the car.

And this time Blaine couldn't help but laugh. "Honey. You are very, _very _drunk."

Kurt stared at Blaine, his jaw dropped ever so slightly, obviously trying to form his first complete thought of the night, but in the end, it was a failed attempt. He squinted his eyes and smiled. "I'll get you my pretty. And your little dog too!"

Blaine shook his head, trying not to find Kurt's drunkenness adorable, but knowing it was useless. And when they got back on the road, and Kurt had fallen asleep to the sound of wind rushing outside his window, Blaine couldn't bring himself to drop him off at his house. So he continued driving down the highway, leaving Lima, passing Lakeview, West Liberty, Marysville, and finally coming to Westerville, where everything looked familiar.

It was nearly 3 am, and Blaine knew he shouldn't have dragged Kurt all the way out here with no intention of taking him back home the same night, but snuggling all night sounded too good to give up, even if he might be taking advantage of him a little bit.

When he pulled into his driveway, Blaine was quiet as can be as he opened the garage door and tried to get Kurt of out the car and into his house without waking him up.

Kurt did wake up however, as little as he had to to giggle, wrap his arms around Blaine's neck from behind and walk upstairs to Blaine's room.

It was a close call as they tip-toed past his parent's bedroom, but they were safe, and as Blaine closed his door behind him, Kurt found his way to Blaine's bed and lay down, immediately falling back asleep.

Blaine changed out of his clothes and into his sleep shirt and boxers, took his time brushing his teeth and washing his face before climbing into his bed, wrapping his arm around what he thought to be a sound asleep Kurt.

"Blaine?" Kurt whispered. "I love Finn, but I don't want to kiss him ever again."

"I know," Blaine responded, smiling a little at this random confession.

Kurt snuggled up closer to Blaine, resting his head in his arm and shutting his eyes for the last time. "Will you sing me a song? My _favorite _song?"

"Uh, sure," Blaine stuttered, hoping that what he thought to be his favorite song would be what he was referring to. "Um, _You think I'm pretty without any-_"

"No, no," Kurt protested. "My other favorite. From the movie?"

Blaine grinned, realizing what he meant by that, and began to sing again. "_Somewhere over the rainbow... way up high..._ _There's a land that I've heard of, once in a lullaby_."

Even though he still smelled like a dumpster, and his skin was sticky from the beer that Finn had tossed at him, Kurt was without a doubt the most precious thing Blaine had ever laid eyes on. The smiles on their faces didn't fade as they drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p><em>So this was supposed to be a drabble, but I just love Klaine so mu-uh-uh-uch. Plus, this hiatus has reached its zenith for me, and if we don't get at least 2 Klisses in the season premiere, I will lose all hope in the phenomenon that is Glee. I don't know if this is funny, sad, or just kinda fluffy, but I do hope you liked it. Thanks for reading! :)<em>


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